A Place Of Extremes

This entry has been on my mind for about a month and a half now, finally time (and mood) to get it down. I spent the last 3 weeks of December on the west coast with my husband and our daughter celebrating Christmas and New Years with family and friends. As soon as I left Yellowknife I knew I would not want to come back, this scared me. I really began to dread having to come back here. I was fine, then I was not. As the holiday drew to a close I became increasingly depressed, I even cried new years eve, after midnight, because I could not say, "Happy New Year". The thoughts that dominated were,"I hate the cold, I hate the dark, why would anyone want to live here?". I am a fish out of water here. I enjoy 39 C with humidex. I returned to Yellowknife feeling homeless, as 5 months and much nesting failed to create the feeling of home for me. I dreaded seeing our place, our parking lot, and I wanted to quit my job, because I didn't want to see anyone. I wanted to hide in our place and just write. The book I am writing, however, is one that must be written from a healthy spiritual and emotional perspective. I was not feeling healthy, but, I believe in authenticity. I believe in utmost honesty, anything less is a lie, a false relationship to people and God. Through it all I have felt God encouraging me to feel what I feel, because only then can it be addressed. Only then can you come through. To let your mind preach religion to your heart will kill it. The Bible says that the heart is, "the wellspring of life". So if we kill our heart, we kill life. Allowing your heart, with all its passion, to live, is indeed painful at times, but I believe it must be allowed, otherwise you are already dead before you ever reach the grave. Why did I title this entry, "A Place Of Extremes"? I am trying to remember. Oh well, it'll come to me again.

Dogsleds, Darkness and Fine Dining

Once again a huge time lapse between blog posts, but hey, Christmas prep, a four year-old and stuff just keeps vying for my attention. Now I will make this short, but full (instead of writing Christmas cards, which are late if I don't get them out tomorrow).

Discoveries and realities:

The Explorer Hotel for a date out to eat; we went to Trader's Grill Steakhouse for our wedding anniversary and we were blown away by the fantastic food. Everything was fabulous and the restaurant itself is classy and warm with high ceilings and a huge picture window overlooking a forest lit with white lights. Lovely, we will be back.

S.A.D. lamps (or Happy lamps) really are helpful. I sit in front of mine with my morning coffee for 15 minutes every day. The sun rose at 9:50 am today and sets at 3:06 pm. That is 5 hours of sun, if it's a sunny day. It shines into my kitchen and I try to get a few rays when I can. Taking vitamin D for sure.

Went dogsledding with Beck's. Total blast, loved it. Discovered my 15 year old Sorel Snowlions (-40C rating) did not keep my toes warm. They got painfully cold and I got inside just in time after the sled run, it hurt as they thawed. Purchased a new pair of boots: Baffins ( -100C) rated. They'd better work. Oh yeah, goggles are essential and keep every inch of skin covered or it will freeze and fall off. Ha. FYI it was -32 windchill that day.

Decorating your igloo. INVEST IN GOOD, CREATIVE, BEAUTIFUL AND ABUNDANT LIGHT FIXTURES. Best planning I ever did, thanking my smarts on that one. Also, the warmth of some fuzzy lambskin or shaggy wool rugs on your floor really makes a difference both visually and to the touch of course. Whites, lights and brights. Stay away from dark or rich colors, they absorb too much precious light.

Buy a coolmist humidifier for respiratory illnesses, the dry air is a killer.

If you're blond (I'm not) get a chlorine filter for your shower head so your hair doesn't turn green. Green brand (at Extra Foods) cleaning paste will get the blue and green stains out of your tub, it is eco friendly to boot.

My dock:

Swung by the dock today (can hardly see it now) and saw a black/silver fox try to catch a raven, he chased it up to my van. The raven tried to sit on the hood to escape this fabulous fox (beautiful and cute). The fox had a look at us and then ran back onto the frozen lake to join another one, they chased each other around. Neat to see.

Gotta go write Christmas cards...

Holidays are almost here, west coast here I come...

White World

This morning I woke up to a beautiful white landscape. Every tree, every little leaf and branch was covered in (what I believe is called) hoar frost. A thick and fluffy white coating on everything. Minus 18 degrees celsius with the windchill last night and I didn't plug the van in, oh well, the "locals" didn't either. I got Emma and I out in plenty of time to warm up the van and get her to school on time. I started it and then came back in for her. After 10 minutes I still couldn't get the ice off the windows with the scraper, even though the engine was already registering warm and the fans were on full blast. Don't know if that is normal, or just lousy GM heaters. Hmm. Both Emma and I have been house bound for a week due to some wicked cold virus. She couldn't wait for me to un-buckle her, she hit the ground running to the school. That was easy! :0)

After dropping her off I headed to my dock. It was breathtaking, all frozen solid, the lake covered in ice and snow. The silence there is awe-inspiring, as is the song of the Ravens in that setting, it was the only sound. The sound of their wings flapping as they flew overhead was also pretty impressive. They were checking me out for a hand-out. I had my little digital camera with me and clicked away. There was a little hole in the cloud for an orange sun. As I neared the dock I noticed upside down, triangle shaped rocks wedged in the ice where the water is normally 3 or 4 feet deep. Someone has been tossing them in to check out the strength of the ice. The local authorities say it's forming well, but not ready to walk on. There is a website to check out ice thickness measurements.

By now my gloveless hand that was holding the camera was too cold, I took a few more snaps and got back in the van. At home I parked the van and went for a quick walk to find some more hoar frost forest for my camera to capture. When the batteries died I headed back home to get a few things done before I pick up my husband from the airport. It will be so nice having him back, it was a rough couple weeks without him here. But, this morning refreshed me, I think God was giving me a hug.

October on "my" Dock.

Whenever possible, I swing by "my" dock on Yellowknife Bay, usually in the morning, after I drop my daughter off at pre-school. From the first time I saw this spot, I knew it would be a place of refreshment. I love seeing it in different light and seasons. This morning was so beautiful, surprisingly "balmy" for a mid-October morning (2 degrees Celsius). I stood on the white, frosty boards, rocked gently by the waves that drummed a rhythmic melody under my feet. I was a bit surprised to already see shards of ice creating a small ridge along the shoreline. I arrived in time to see the sun begin it's morning drama of gold and fire. The sky was clear blue except for a bank of cloud at the horizon that was breaking apart along its edges from a breeze. These low, rolling clouds had beautiful, golden-light linings tinged with pink. Whenever the sun broke through, it reflected off the water as though from thousands of small mirrors. It reminded me of an impressionist painting. Nature is so close up here, on one's doorstep. With raw beauty so accessible, I wonder how people can remain untransformed. Beauty is a thing perceived. I wonder if many have been deceived into dulling their senses, or perhaps forced into doing so, because having senses means feeling pain. The Bible tells that we become blind and deaf when we pay homage (focus on, worship) to that which cannot see or hear. I have heard, from people who experienced restoration to God through belief in Jesus Christ, that it was like having their eyes opened; colors sang with new life, the world was brighter. I was 4 when I gave my life to Him; I have been seeing the world in living color for such a long time that I don't remember what it's like not to. I can't help but be an artist.

Time

Ah, a month and a half has gone by since my last post. Since this is a public blog I have not been writing everything in it, my heart and experiences have filled other pages... but, I wonder, if some of those things should make it in here after all; perhaps others would find they see themselves.

The last two months have been intense. Apparently God has more faith in me than I do, ha. In the last two months I have learned that if I am not completely honest and transparent with God, facing any wounds He uncovers in me head on and bringing them to Him; I get pommelled by the local principalities of the other kingdom. Not a nice feeling, really messes with your head. However, since I belong to the King of Kings and He is about victory; I am victorious. I now know why there is so much hopelessness, depression and addiction up here. Not everyone may pick-up on it, perhaps they are protected by a grace that keeps them for another purpose. I, apparently, am meant to identify the local spirits for a reason. I have found that taking every thought captive to the obedience of Jesus Christ is an essential part of daily living here, some days are worse than others. If I am feeling physically weak, or upset about something, the battle is more intense. When I identify the source, the spirit, it becomes easier. It is only before I realize that actually, no, I am not hopeless or depressed, that I feel like I'm going crazy. Mercifully, God does not tarry with granting truth and revelation that sets me free of the barrage of lies. I am only guessing at this, but I think there may be a lot of formerly healthy people now on meds (name your poison) since moving up here. After my experience of the last while I know that it is purely spiritual. Spiritual principalities that feed off of wounded hearts and lock them up. Well I've got news for you:

Isaiah 61

1. The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is on me,

because the Lord has anointed me

to preach good news to the poor.

He has sent me to bind up the broken hearted,

to proclaim freedom for the captives

and release from darkness the prisoners,

2. to proclaim the year of the Lord's favor

and the day of vengeance of our God,

to comfort all who mourn,

3. to provide for those who grieve in Zion-

to bestow on them a crown of beauty

instead of ashes,

the oil of gladness

instead of mourning,

and a garment of praise

instead of a spirit of despair.

They will be called oaks of righteousness,

a planting of the Lord

for the display of His splendor.

Revival is coming to Yellowknife and there is nothing you can do about it.

Finally Landed

So, we've dug ourselves out of moving boxes sufficiently enough to allow for little luxuries like updating my blog. We've been here 2 and a half weeks now and my emotions are a bit more balanced. Leaving Belleville was hard for me and apparently for our daughter Emma too.

I'm realizing how important it is to live in the moment you're in, if you don't, you'll miss the beauty it has to offer. Not living in the present means you're living in an alternate reality (in the past or in the future), one that is a product of a mind colored by emotion. Memories and future planning are what makes life rich, but don't LIVE there.

Two "mantras" I like: "I don't want what I haven't got" (The Cranberries) and "for I have learned how to be content (satisfied to the point where I am not disturbed or disquieted) in whatever state I am" (the apostle Paul). It is a battle oftentimes to achieve and maintain such a state, learning to surrender and trust God's guidance is a key to doing this successfully. So here I find myself with a new opportunity to discover of what substance I am made. Hm.

Preparations To Consider

I've approached this move north of 60 knowing it won't be ordinary and that I need to prepare for more than the usual. It will be a bit more psychologically involved than a move near the 49th parallel.

One of the more obvious anomalies in moving to the sub-arctic is the daytime darkness in winter and midnight sun in summer. Light, or rather a lack of it, can have a potentially huge impact on your emotional and physical well-being, which in turn may affect your relationships and down you go (depression can sneak up on you)... have a chat with your Doctor before you go, taking vitamin D is essential; acquiring a S.A.D. lamp is recommended.

Another factor is the climate. Have a plan to get involved with the community, whether through work or volunteering. Enroll your kids in fun and active diversions. Take up a new hobby. The winter climate being as frigid as it is (-30 to -50 C), for as long as it is, means you'll likely spend a lot of time inside your igloo.

So, little winter light + cooped up = an interior decorating challenge. I am up to the task (interior decorating is a passion of mine). I researched what others who live in these climates have done and will share my findings in upcoming blog posts. If you never thought interior decorating was important, think again. It has the power to affect your emotions and thus your outlook on life. Beauty inspires and revives; ugliness is a usurper of life.